Posted in A Walk to Remember, Memoirs of a Christian College Student

Confidence

No, the title does not refer to that one song by Teddy Geiger which has the same name. (How many people remember that? o.o) But I am referring to spiritual confidence, the undeniable and unshakable proof that we are His, He loves us, and that this truth will never change.

Last year was the absolute most difficult year of my life, and I refer to it as a “recovery” year, or, “the Aftermath of 2014.” Why? Because from August 2013 to August 2014 I endured one of the most difficult circumstances of my life, that didn’t just test my faith, but completely transformed me altogether. I wasn’t just molded for God’s glory either, but in the midst of the hardest spiritual battles ever (forgive the vague language), in my vulnerability, the enemy dealt a striking blow that pierced my heart, and shattered my soul. No kidding.

In 2015 I made so many backtracks into sin that I hadn’t touched in 4 years, and never thought about touching, as well as sin I had been wrestling with forever. My mind was (and still is) a mess. One day I could see God clearly, and even remember who He was, our life together, and all the crazy journeys we’ve been through, but most days my heart was frozen and untouchable. I didn’t trust God, at all, and things that were easy to see, even in the midst of battle in 2013 and 2014, I couldn’t get myself to believe even if I tried.

I cried for so many days, frustrated with myself that I couldn’t change me, and unable to accept the Gospel message–unable to accept God’s love.

In the midst of my frustrations, I asked Him, bitterly at times, so many questions. Some of these I posted in “Memoirs of a Christian College Student” and most are written in journals.

I had (have) a friend I love dearly (perhaps more than they care at the moment) who walked away from God early 2013, and there’s been a decent sized rift in my heart since, and I often feared (mistakenly believing that such a thing is easy or even possible for long) that if he could abandon God, then what’s stopping me? That one thought made a pathway for fear that was impossible to dislodge from my heart and mind. What’s stopping me? (Well, God! My friend leaving Jesus and His church was not a spur of the moment decision, it was the product of what was festering in his heart for a long time, much longer than I ever got to know him.)

In one of these frustrated episodes where I really needed reassurance of the importance and reliability of Jesus and the message he lived and died for (and rose again to secure!) I asked some serious questions and made up a bible study. This study is brief (meaning its not a series) and I wrote it because of the theme in the bible study I attend at that time. The theme was questions. Basically we would think of a question, and try to find an answer in the bible. It sounds simple, but it was harder because such a thing requires actual time in the bible with God, and that year seemed like I was hardly doing that.

However, God put something in my heart, three or four main questions, and I searched in the book of Daniel to find those answers. I did find them. My question was: Why Take a Stand? As in “why should we stand in our faith, and stand up for our faith? What is the benefit? Is it worth enduring all of this pain and hardship? Is it worth being mocked and ridiculed? Is it better than what the world could ever offer me?

The answer is: YES!!

However, you can check it out for yourself and see whether or not you agree.

P.S. I apologize, it will only let me upload the .odt format, which I will post here: Bible Study Daniel however, I plan on uploading the study as a post that way you can access that as well. Apologies (might be due to some kind of protection on my laptop….I’ll figure it out.)

Happy readings, and have a great Sunday!

~Angelique

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Author:

So, a little about me outside of this blog, I am 27 and I have been actively walking with Christ for six years!! So excited! This has truly been the greatest decision I've made and I have no desire to turn back to the life I once lived. That said, I am currently pursuing a Master's degree in Nutrition, and my dream is still to be a full-time missionary and be a part of what God's doing in the world. I'm super excited to pursue this path and I'm so grateful to the Lord for providing me with an amazing church family to grow into and be a part of. So excited for what God has planned and to finally be a part of it! ^^

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